Lessons learned

I hope to God this blog isn't read by randoms, but I need to vent. A few days ago I went to Colombo in Sri Lanka where we stayed for 24 hours, then flew home to Dubai via the Maldives (one of the world's great tropical destinations for the uninitiated.) It will go down as one of my least favourite flights. From the get-go the Purser was on our cases in briefing - a queeny, Hitler-esque nutjob that has been with the company since 1988. He made us fill in forms for EVERYTHING to satisfy his evil urges: a) did I take a photograph of every child on board? b) did I present the photograph to the child/parent in an official Emirates photo sleeve? c) Did I distribute a child headset to every child on board, then collect prior to landing? d) prior to landing, did I return the child headsets to the appropriate container, then lock and seal? etc etc etc. He was the most anal (literally) person I have ever worked with in any job! Oh well, I guess it needed to happen at some point in a job like this.

Sri Lanka itself (apart from the lush hotel) was quite the poverty-stricken hell hole. I took a ride in a tuk-tuk (not sure if they call them that) into the main part of town to buy some dvds to add to my ridiculously large (and still expanding) collection. I should feel grateful that I am still alive, really. Between the traffic chaos, the rabies-infected cats everywhere, the beggars, and the food in general - Sri Lanka is somewhat of a hazard (read: deathtrap.) Dinner in the hotel, however, was pretty amazing - apparently one of the world's best Thai restaurants and it was SUPER cheap (around $10 a main, and $20 for a bottle of Penfolds Private Bin) - and best of all the purser DID NOT make an appearance!

The flight on the way home was less than half full which was an added bonus, but I was so busy filling in forms I hardly noticed. What I did notice was the simply amazing Maldives islands as we landed at Male (rhymes with Bali) International Airport. I was not allocated a door to monitor, so I was able to sit in a passenger seat and take some photos as we landed.

I have no idea how to conclude here, so let's go through the lessons we have learned: 1) taking photos of sleeping kids is just plain creepy, not matter what the form says, 2) when spending the day in Colombo, bring your own packed lunch, washed and prepared in a western nation, 3) when flying into Male, sit on the right hand side of the plane for maximum photo opportunity and 4) underloved, sexually repressed flight pursers with forms in hand should be avoided at all costs...


The view of the Indian Ocean from my hotel room. Most of this area was flattened and/or damaged by the tsunami



Risking life and limb in downtown Colombo. Don't let the nice weather and KFC fool you!



The stunning (did I use that word already?) Maldives islands.